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Shine The Light

Shine The Light

How does one help another person who has no sense of who they are or what life is about? That is a question I ask myself each and every day. I stepped into a room yesterday to find a women crying about her life and how disturbed it was. As I sat down, I realized something was wrong, very wrong. I had known her years ago as a vibrant, confident and engaging woman who had a dignified life. She was wealthy as well as a beauty queen. She had won pageant after pageant, and ultimately had a great go at Miss America. She was stunning, the kind of movie star beauty that makes you stare, you have no choice, you have to look at a creature so amazing.

I am sure years ago she followed all the nutritional rules and struggled to stay lean and healthy as well. Fat-free yogurt, low-fat cheese, artificial sweetener, agave in her lite latte, whole-grains and soy were a part of her diet. I suspect she worked out 90 minutes hard every day, maybe twice a day. And her beauty was rewarded by marrying a wealthy man who was only interested in having a trophy wife. Because she focused so much on her physical self, her beauty and Hollywood figure, she was unbalanced. She had no voice, although she could sing beautifully. Not a voice for songs, a voice of self love, confidence and allegiance to her authentic self. Beneath her skin, a woman had either died or had never really unfolded. She was chained to how others saw her, how others thought she should act and what she should do based on the wisdom of her husband, children, family, friends and the crowds of people who would gather to shower in her radiant beauty. Sadly, her entire world went up in chaos. It was not the fact that her marriage broke down or her young adult children dropped out of her life that caused such a stir in her psyche, it was the realization that she was all alone. Her physical beauty no longer mattered.

Somewhere along her road, she had gained sixty or seventy pounds, got dependent on pain medication to drown her sorrows and was emotionally and physically unavailable to connect to anyone or anything. She struggled with who she was once the spot lights were off, she was left standing on a dark and depressing stage with no lines to recite, no audience to watch her and no ability to receive cues from others on how to be. The people closest to her left her standing in the rain soaking wet, they dumped buckets of cold-hearted criticism on her from all angles. She no longer did men wander up and down her body with their eyes while smiling at her. She had played the game of life the way she had thought it was meant to be played, but she did not realize that celebrity magazines, talk show hosts and self proclaimed experts in the field of beauty had been wrong. Her beauty could get her on Mediterranean yachts and into exclusive nightclubs, but once she got in the door, people soon realized she had no soul. She was a parrot who had no confidence, all she could do was to recite what others had told her to say. She was just pretty.

Of course her figure mattered to all that looked at her, but once they realized she had an emptiness inside, the beauty just was not enough. I suspect she had grown to expect more from others than just their shallowness, but she may have been shallow too. Not because it was her innate way of communicating, it was what she was taught from an early age to be shallow because she had the fate of physical beauty.

There was a time in her life when she recognized she was empty, so she wandered the globe trying to find a guru or a religion she could identify with, but no luck there. And when her entire community of family and friends deserted her, she felt naked and all alone. She was the victim of objectification. And now she struggles to regain the physical beauty she once had because that is all she knows. I suspect that if she is perceived to be more beautiful, she sincerely believes life will turn around and her emptiness will go away. We all know that is untrue.

She will not gain love of self, confidence or any other positive attribute associated with authenticity by molding or re-sculpting her physical being. She needs to do the hard work of finding her true self and accepting who she is. It is painful work, one that takes discipline and daring to experience sadness, abandonment, disillusion, anger, frustration and then honestly reconstruct her worldview to be accord with her life's experiences. She must stop denying the truth. In order for her to enjoy her glorious powers to move, dance, eat, laugh, love and live, she must make amends with the dark side of the soul. All of what she learned from being that special beauty queen was an illusion, a fabrication of what others wanted. And her needs and desires were never a part of the manufacture process. She served only for the pleasures of others.

How does one help another who has no sense of who they are or what life is about? One step at a time. It is tricky business. I have to balance her desire to numb the pain associated with facing the truth and the necessity for her to experience what it means to be a feeling machine that thinks. And with each painful truth, she must take steps to reconstruct an honest worldview that reflects her fate one brick at a time. She has little choice in the matter if she wishes to experience her true self and fulfillment. She will receive the same awe, the same fun and laughter just as joyously with men and women who care deeply for her true self and they will not care about the fat on her thighs, hips or anywhere else it shows up.

We must bless the child that is on her own. More important, we must recognize we are all profoundly alone even though we are tethered together like a bundle of branches. In all of our lives, we have experienced enough conflict, sorrow and sadness to find the Truth. That's how we help those who cannot see; we carry the Light, shine the Light and keep the Light burning no matter how desperate it becomes.

Doc
Posted by Amanda Sanders at 8:37 AM
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